This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
