2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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