I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
