Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize