We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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