Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
