Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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