He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
