sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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