There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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