There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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