This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I want to have your abortion
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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