Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
