I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
