I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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