I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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