I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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