I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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