Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
