It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
