I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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