He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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