I cockslap morals
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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