Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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