did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
