i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
