it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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