i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
