If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
