i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
