I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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