My friends, they love my intelligence
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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