Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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