So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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