I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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