i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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