im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
