I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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