It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
