Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
