How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
