Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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