way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
