Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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