I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
