isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You've changed since you got that strap on
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
