im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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