I'm gonna have a badass scar
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
