so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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