my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
