Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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