I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
