i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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