HIV tests are more positive than that guy
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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