Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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