I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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