At least make sure they are 18
Why
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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