I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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