Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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