You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize
