like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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