i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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