I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
