just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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