i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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