hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
