Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize