Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
