i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
