I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
