i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
