i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
