Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
