You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
