Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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