Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize