you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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