I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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