Is it because I queefed?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
