you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
