Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize