i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
