Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
