So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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