I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
