her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
