just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
