Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
