I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you had me at cake vodka
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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