you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
