So drunk its hurt
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
