Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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