Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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