And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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