The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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