I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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