either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
